best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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