My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Four minutes until I can fart!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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