yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We talked him into tasing himself.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
