I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
