Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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