While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
