the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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