Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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