I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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