I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
