This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
