Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize