I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize