U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
wanna go halves on a baby?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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