You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
