you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
