I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
