he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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