Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
