im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
