i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
zippers are such a cool invention
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
