I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
