I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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