You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's official drugs can't kill me
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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