Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
