It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
