a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
being pregnant is like rehab
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
