I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
pray to the hookup gods
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You left your phone here
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