I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
