worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
