I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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