Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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