Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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