no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
