last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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