1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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