:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
