After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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