This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
