we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
