I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
jump out the window naked night went bad
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize