Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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