Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
