plz talk dirty to me
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
