she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize