Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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