True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
