if you like me you must not know who I am
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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