I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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