Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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