I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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