I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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