god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
