google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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