Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We left the knife in your bed.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
