I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
barbara walters just said penis...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
