I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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