she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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