Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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