I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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