So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
