dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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