I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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