Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize