The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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