Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
