I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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