sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
