So drunk its hurt
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
