when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize