my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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